shot glass
Issue # 1 March 2010
"... brevity is the soul of wit ..."
- William Shakespeare

Gil Fagiani

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Dopefiend Hustle # 132: Playing The Christers

Every Christer worth his cross is stuck on the scenario
of the great sinner who becomes the great saint.

I tell the minister I hear God's voice command me:
Put down the jug, the pipe stem, lead a sanctified life.

The pastor introduces me to his flock. They donate
clothes, food, a place to lay up, even pocket money.

I scourge myself in public, beg for forgiveness,
preach to the hardcore blasphemers.

I'm the hottest ticket at prayer meetings, Sunday service,
church picnics and fundraisers.

Everyone wants me to meet their virgin daughters,
straighten out their wayward sons.

Then the day comes when the faithful realize, I've robbed
the rectory, maxed out their kid's credit cards--disappeared.